


Maybe Someday (You’ll Forgive Me)

by howtohold



Series: After Civil War [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-24 17:30:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18168056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtohold/pseuds/howtohold
Summary: He did the right thing, Steve thinks.He had no choice, he insists.As much as he’d like to go back, to stay beside Tony, he can’t.So he writes a letter instead, and hopes that,maybe someday, he’ll forgive him.———————(Side story/sequel to The Imitation. Set after Civil War up to Infinity War. Focuses on Steve’s thoughts up until he meets their baby)





	Maybe Someday (You’ll Forgive Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Infinity War is a big cockblock. End Game is coming and I still cannot believe Inifinity War cockblocked Stony Reunion.
> 
> This is Steve's POV after Civil War. Kinda angsty and shit. Stony are angsty couple. End Game better reverse it!

_He did the right thing,_ Steve thinks.

 

He stares at Bucky who’s preparing to enter the cryogenic device. His heart throbs painfully when he sees the resigned smile on his old friend’s face. The Winter Soldier is gone, but the damage he did can never be reversed. Lives were lost, including Bucky’s, or at least his previous carefree life. He still lives, but it won’t be the same as it was before.

Hydra will pay _dearly_ for what’s been done to him.

 

Before the device closes, Bucky stares at him solemnly and softly, he says:

 

“Talk to him, Steve.”

 

Him.

 

How could Steve talk to him, knowing what he did to him. Knowing the pain that he himself caused Tony. He thinks about Afghanistan and Stane and how Tony’s voice still trembled a little when he opened up to Steve. He thinks about the moments where, in the middle of the night, his mate wakes up shivering, sweating, mumbling and moaning. He thinks about his actions, how he deliberately withheld the truth, how he never told Tony, his own goddamn mate, about the truth behind his parents’ death. How he never gave Tony the chance to process the truth before it crashed into him ike a freight train in Siberia.

 

He isn’t sure if Tony will ever forgive him.

 

 _It’s not that simple_ , he thinks. _He had to protect Bucky too._

 

Bucky, who was the only person who knew what it was like before he woke up in this new world. The only person alive who knew how it feels to be a man out of time.

 

But he just nods at Bucky, he doesn’t tell him that he doesn’t think he could talk to Tony. He doesn’t tell him how _every single day_ that pass by, he thinks of Tony and feels an overbearing sense of guilt and shame. How every hour, he fights with his conscience, convincing himself that he did the right thing.

 

That he had no choice. 

 

With a heavy clunk of two metals locking in place, the device closes. Once again, his friend leaves him. But this is for the best. It was temporary, he can come back whenever he wishes. Bucky won’t go anywhere.

 

This will be good for him. Maybe when Bucky wakes up, things will change.

 

Placing his hand on the metal door, he stares fondly at his friend’s sleeping face. He says goodbye once again and exits the room with a slightly heavy heart.

________________________

In the morning, he wakes up early and his sleep-addled mind expects a certain brunette lying down beside him, still asleep. His body automatically searching for that warmth his mate offers during the wee hours of morning.

 

When he turns, there was nobody. Only an empty space on a white, pristine bedsheet. No soft rumbles of a light snore, none of the usual overwhelming scent of _home, belongingness._

 

 _He did the right thing_ , he insists.

 

Tony would have wanted space and with the Accords still happening, there was just no way they could return without immediately being thrown to jail. They are bonded, yes, but Steve knows how grave his mistakes are.

 

He decides not to come back, despite his instincts screaming for him to _go._

....

..

.

.

He writes a letter, instead.

 

On a sunny afternoon, while walking along a street filled with electronic shops, he spots an old flip phone. Then, it _clicks_.

 

He buys the phone and hurries back to the apartment.

 

Grabbing a piece of paper and a brand new pen, he starts pouring out his feelings.

 

~~Tony, I did it to protect you.~~

~~Tony, I had no choice.~~

~~Tony, this is the only way.~~

~~Tony, you have to understand~~.

 

The scrap pile grows, along with his frustration. It is half past midnight when decides to stop writing, crumpling the paper into a ball and putting down the pencil. He forces himself to sleep.

 

That night, he dreams of Tony.

.......................

_They were alone in the dining room, having their lunch. He had to drag Tony away from his workshop just so he would remember to eat. Tony had the tendency to shut himself inside his workshop, utterly absorbed in whatever technology he’s working at. Most of the time, Tony works on improving the equipment of their team—a reflection of Tony’s dedication to their team, their family._

_The mating bite on Tony is exposed, he doesn’t often leave it on display unless he’s with the people he trusts. Whenever they go out in public, Tony often wore clothes that covers the mark. Steve didn’t mind, he understands his mate._

_Tony stares at him warmly, and Steve smiles back. Without the rest of the Avengers, it felt like they were an old married couple eating alone together for the first time since their kids were all grown up and had lives of their own. It felt warm, it felt right, it felt domestic._

_It felt like home, whenever he’s with Tony._

_“It’s too quiet,” Tony comments. “I kinda miss Barton’s loud mouth.”_

_“It is peaceful though, no one’s arguing over which soft drink’s the best.” quips Steve. Tony snorts at him._

_“Uuugh, I swear Thor’s gonna make my ears explode with all that ‘Coke-is-better!’ speech.” Steve laughs._

_“He’s got a point, Coke tastes better than Pepsi.” Tony rolls his eye at Steve._

_“You’re not supposed to take sides. They’re gonna start thinking you’re biased,” Tony grins then jokingly adds, “Dads are not supposed to pick which kid is his favorite.”_

_Steve laughs even more. They’ve talked about this before, about how sometimes it felt like they were the parents of the Avengers. Which is weird, reiterates Tony, because all of them are grown ass men and women._

_They’ve talked about starting a family too, and surprise, surprise, it was Tony who brought it up. One evening, Tony casually opens up about ideas running in his head, about retiring from wearing the armor and taking a back seat by sticking to upgrading their equipments. Being the team’s tech guy._

_He hints that he’s not that opposed to trying to start a family._

_Steve was left speechless. He wanted to have a family, he grew up wishing that someday he’ll have that. But between the World War breathing down upon their necks, becoming Captain America, and waking up in this new world, Steve starts realizing how difficult it would be raise a child given his circumstances. Tony had his own demons too, his own reasons why having a child is not so possible and not so optimal. There was always this quiet mutual understanding between them, that even though they are bonded, starting a family is not in their immediate plans._

_But now, Tony is saying that he’s ready to try._

_“I’m getting old, Steve.” Tony says, in a hushed tone. “Retiring to a farm, raising cute tiny animals with maybe a kid or two is beginning to sound appealing to this old Omega.”_

_Tony smiles weakly at him. Steve embraces him tight, no words left his mouth. Steve nods and nods and nods._

_Yes, he’d very much love to have a child with Tony. Oh God, yes._

..................................

 

Steve wakes up, wiping the tears that fell from his eyes, he determinedly goes back to writing his letter.

 

It starts with ‘ _Tony, I’m glad your back at the compound. I don’t like the idea of rattling around a mansion by yourself’._

 

It ends with _‘If you need me, I’ll be there’._

 

He chose not to add _‘I love you_ ’ because he doesn’t think Tony would believe it when it’s in writing. Steve would like to say that to his mate personally, when they meet again, when Tony forgives him.

 

 _He did the right thing_ , he muses. _Maybe Tony would see past his shortcomings and forgive him._

...

 

 

..

 

 

.

(Months flew by, and there was still no call from Tony. Eventually, months became years and it was roughly two years since the letter, when Steve finally got the call.)

 

It was not how he pictured this would happen.

 

In his mind, the world was not on the brink of its extinction when Tony _finally_ decides to contact him.

 

In his mind, when the phone rings, it wasn’t because he was watching his mate’s face all over the news, alerting the public that Iron Man is missing.

 

In his mind, Tony calls him because he _wants_ to. Because he’s _ready_ to move on, to _begin_ again. _Not because he’s out in space, fighting overpowered aliens, attempting to save everyone **at the expense of his own life.**_

~~_(In his mind, Tony calls him because he's ready to reveal the truth about the baby. Oh God, the baby.)_ ~~

The phone rings and his heart beats faster. He answers the call and doesn’t hear the Tony’s voice.

 

.................................

When the familiar view of the compound greets them, he feels like he’s finally coming home. But without Tony, without everyone, it feels more like coming home to a house when the family is out elsewhere. It does bring him comfort, knowing that he can come back to this, but without the whole Avengers, _what was point?_

_To find everyone and be whole again,_ he convinces himself. _To have his family back and to fight, together._

__

~~_(Isn't that why we fight? So we can end the fight and go home?)_ ~~

 

 _Together_ , that’s what he would always say, and that’s how this is going to be.

 

When he finally got the opportunity to talk with Rhodey alone, he asks him about the controversial photograph. The candid shot of Pepper, and Rhodey hovering over Tony, who has a _baby_ in his arms.

 

Steve _knows_ , _he has always known_. The moment the picture gets out, when he saw the child, his instincts roared.

 

They have a child, a family. As much as he’d like to storm over at Tony, demand his right to hold their child, to nurture her, to care for her, to be her other father, **_he can’t_**.

He can’t because he did something so grave and he gave Tony the _freedom_ to decide whether he’ll give him the forgiveness he craves.

 

 _Forgiveness isn’t forced,_ he thinks. _Forgiveness happens gradually, not unlike how their love blossomed._

 

But years passed, and he didn’t get the call he desperately wishes for. And when he did, it wasn’t Tony who called.

 

He takes a deep breath, and gathers his wits.

 

“How is she?” Steve earnestly asks. He tries hard not to let emotions overrun his senses. More than a year has passed since the child, _his child, their child_ , was born.

 

Rhodey is quiet for a while, but he gives him a small, tired smile.

 

“She’s with Pepper. I’m actually scheduled to call them before you talked to me.”

 

“Thank you, for everything, Rhodes. Please tell Ms. Potts that I’m immensely grateful.” Rhodey sighs lightheartedly.

 

“It’s Pepper, not Ms. Potts, and she insists you call her that.” Rhodey takes out his phone and dials. “And you can tell her 'thank you' yourself.”

 

Rhodey holds up the phone and switches it to loudspeaker so Steve could also hear.

 

“Rhodey? How are things?” Pepper’s familiar silvery voice fills his ears.

 

“It’s been exhausting, really. But help has arrived. How are things on your side?”

 

“Not so great, Maria’s starting to get antsy without Tony.”

 

Maria. _Maria_. Their child’s name is **Maria**.

And it’s like a knife stabs Steve deeply. Because how could he ever tell his child, that her own father hid the truth about her grandparents’ end. How could he tell her that he wasn’t there when she was still inside her other father’s belly?

The guilt was suffocating. So does regret.

 

_He isn’t so sure if he ever did the right thing._

 

_Dear Maria. Your father doesn’t love me anymore. But I love him. I never stopped. Forgive me, Maria._

_I had no choice, Maria._

 

“Maybe she’ll calm down when she hear her other dad’s voice.” Before Steve could process Rhodey’s words, the phone was thrusted into his hands. Rhodey wiggles his brows and pats his back encouragingly. He shakily accepts it.

 

“Other dad? Is _Steve_  there?”

 

Steve’s breath hitches. He doesn’t know if he’ll manage to produce a sound but he tries. His voice comes out too breathy and a bit hoarse.

 

“Ms. Potts, thank you for everything.” He manages to say.

 

“ _Oh my god, Steve!_ Hi, _oh God_ , Rhodey! _Haaah_ ,” He hears her laugh breathlessly and a bit frantic. She sounds overwhelmed and relieved at the same time.

 

“There’ll be time to--to _scream_ about _Siberia_ but right now,” He hears Pepper take a deep breath. “Do you—do you wanna see her?”

 

_See her? See Maria? See his child?_

Yes, gods, yes please. **Please**.

 

He nods quickly, forgetting that Pepper couldn’t actually see him nodding because they were talking over the phone. Rhodey snorts beside him and answers for him.

 

“He’s nodding like _crazy_ here, Pepps. I’ll turn on the video call.” Rhodey sets his phone to video call and the screen is filled with Pepper’s red hair for a moment.

 

Until, _finally_ , a tiny red-faced blonde baby shows up on the screen. _Oh dear God._

“Hey, Maria. Look who's here! Say Hi baby.”

 

Maria just stares at the screen, too focused on the unfamilar blond. Her other dad. Steve feels like he’s going to burst into tears any minute now.

 

“Ba-ba!” She shouts, in a tiny shrill voice. Pepper giggles as Maria grabs her red hair. Maria tries to eat Pepper’s hair but Pepper pries it away from her mouth.

 

“No, sweetie. I told you this is not food.”

 

“Ba, da, ba!” She replies, and tries to grab her hair again.

“Say hi to the camera, baby. Come on!” Pepper coaxes her. Maria turns to the camera again. Then, she stretches her arms, reaching for the phone, and does a jerky movement.

 

_Steve could watch her all day._

 

.........

....

..

.

 

 

When Thanos snaps his huge ugly fingers and his friends starts turning to ashes, Steve is overcome by the overwhelming sense of loss. As his hands hover on the spot where Bucky vanished, he feels terror grip his heart.

 

He thinks of Tony, up there in the vastness of outer space. _Did he turn into dust too?_

 

He thinks of Maria, and his body starts shaking. He stares hopelessly.

 

**_Oh God._ **

**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning on writing the next one after I watch End Game.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this series!


End file.
